


Ghosts Of The Past

by Liz_87



Category: Casualty (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:00:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24538888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liz_87/pseuds/Liz_87
Summary: AU. An attempt to fix Chuffy's relationship after their split in series 33.
Relationships: Lisa "Duffy" Duffin/Charlie Fairhead
Kudos: 9





	Ghosts Of The Past

It was 7.30pm on New Year's Eve and Charlie was pouring his third glass of whisky of the evening despite having only returned from work about an hour previously. He sighed, at this rate he'd be asleep well before midnight but he didn't really care, it wasn't as if he had much to be celebrating or anyone to celebrate with. Not since his world had been blown apart just a few short weeks previously. 

He looked down at the glass of whisky, the light bouncing off his wedding ring caught his eye. Despite everything he couldn't bare to take it off. He still loved her, he always would. He just wished she felt the same. How had it all gone wrong so quickly? 

His thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. He decided to ignore the visitor, he wasn't in the mood to be social. He downed his drink and poured another. As he took a sip there was another knock at the door, louder and more insistent this time. He pushed himself up from the chair, hopefully he could convince them to go away. 

He pulled the door open. Standing on his doorstep was the last person he expected or wanted to see right now. The anger and hurt he felt towards her coloured his tone. "What do you want?" 

She sighed. "There's a present I was going to give to Katie but I left it here. I promised I'd bring it tomorrow." 

He opened the door wider and allowed her in. Closing the door he looked at her. She looked pale and had made no attempt to hide the dark circles under her eyes with make up. 

"You best go get it, wouldn't want to disappoint little Katie." 

She walked past him. He lent against the wall and briefly closed his eyes. He heard the sound of her boots on the stairs. Without thinking he turned to watch her walk up the stairs, a small smile forming on his lips. He sighed and shook his head, despite everything she'd done to hurt him he still found himself drawn to her. She was like an addiction he couldn't rid himself of, nor, if he was honest, did he really want to. 

Duffy returned downstairs a few minutes later having retrieved the package. She stood at the bottom of the stairs and gave Charlie a sad smile. She placed her hand on the door handle but was stopped from opening it by his voice. 

"Did she have a nice Christmas? Katie I mean." 

She sighed and turned back to face him. "I think so, she kept asking why grandpa Charlie wasn't with me though." 

His head dropped to look at the floor. He swallowed back the lump in his throat before speaking. "I missed her too." 

"You could have still come. They were all expecting you to be there!" 

He laughed bitterly. "That wouldn't have done either of us any good." He sighed. "So what did you tell them to explain where I was?" 

"I said you'd been called into work on an emergency." 

"Well I guess that's better than Peter finding out on Christmas day that his mother's been a fucking lying, two-timing hussy again!"

"Charlie!" She shouted angrily.

"I'm surprised that Bill didn't get an invite." He spat back at her. 

"Charlie! How many times do I have to say this? What happened with Bill was one night. It was a mistake! A stupid, stupid mistake that I'll regret for the rest of my life. I don't want to be with him, I never have. I want to be with you." 

"It makes a change for you to make up your mind so quickly Duffy. It took you ages to decide two years ago. That should have probably set the alarm bells ringing but it seems I was too stupid to hear them!" 

"My marriage to Ryan was pretty much over when I came back home. But then he showed up with Paul and I had to be sure I was doing the right thing. I couldn't just be selfish and do what I wanted. I had to think about what was best for my son!" 

"Really? Were you thinking about what was best for your kids when you ran away to New Zealand in the first place?!" 

"Oh for goodness sake, that's ancient history Charlie! Why are you bringing that up again now?" 

"It might be to you but it isn't to me." He replied bitterly. 

She sighed and walked past him towards the kitchen. 

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" He demanded. 

"To find a bottle of wine and sit down. I get the feeling this is going to be a long night."

He walked back into the lounge and sat in his chair. She joined him moments later carrying the bottle and a glass. She took a seat on the sofa opposite him. "You know alcohol only makes things between us worse Duffy."

She paused halfway through pouring a glass of wine to glare at him. "Oh right, so we're back to me only being good enough for a drunken shag, thanks!" She saluted him sarcastically with her glass before downing the contents. Pouring a second glassful she sighed. "Actually, do you know what? I don't care anymore, you've clearly decided to numb yourself with alcohol so I might as well join you." 

Silence filled the air. Duffy rolled her eyes. "Well, go on then, Charlie, I'm all ears, let's have a plotted history of every time I've upset you over the years shall we?" She grabbed the bottle off the coffee table and sat back, an expectant look on her face. 

"So why Bill?"

"I told you, I didn't mean for it to happen!" 

"But it did, and you let it happen Duffy. You don't just randomly rekindle with your teenage boyfriend, and end up in bed with him overnight. Or do you?"

"We didn't rekindle anything! I went to him as a friend."

"Oh, a friend. Right. That old chestnut?" He poured himself another drink of whiskey.

"Not all friendships are like how ours was, Charlie." She sighed.

"Oh really? How do I know that?"

"I've never felt the way I do about you with any other friend. You have to believe that!"

"How would I know that though Duffy?"

"When previously have I given you reason to doubt me?"

"Pfft. Where do I start?"

Rolling her eyes, she downed her wine and poured another glassful.

"Max, ring any bells does it?" He spat at her. 

"That was twenty years ago! We weren't even together then." She was getting frustrated with him. 

"No, but he was a friend. Wasn't he?"

"Yes."

"And you were married at the time."

"Yes."

"So it didn't stop you then did it?"

"That was totally different." She countered.

"Was it?"

"Yes."

"It wasn't to me Duffy."

It suddenly dawned on her. "Max was right all along then." 

"Right about what?" He was momentarily confused by the change in direction of the conversation. 

"Your total and utter jealousy."

"Well, I, er..."

"What's the matter Charlie, don't you like it when you're the one being interrogated?" She mocked. 

"Duffy?"

"What?"

He took a large gulp of his whisky and sighed. "Ok, ok, I admit I was jealous of Max." He confessed. 

"Finally!" She refilled her glass and placed the bottle back on the coffee table. 

His eyebrows raised in shock at her reply. "What do you mean 'finally'?" 

"Finally you've admitted it. Feel better now?"

"Not really. It doesn't change anything does it?"

"Well seeing as nothing I say seems to change anything with you, probably not."

"That's not what I meant."

"It's all just words isn't it? I hurt you, you hurt me. It's just what we seem to do to each other." 

He sighed and took another gulp of his whisky. 

"Here's to over 30 years of messing with each others heads Charlie, cheers!" She toasted him bitterly before downing her glassful of wine.

"I never meant to hurt you Duffy. I just didn't realise what I was doing to you."

"You think I meant to hurt you though, don't you?" 

"Well? What other reason is there?"

"Reason for what?"

"For cheating on me."

"You mean other than my apparent great knack for screwing my life up at any given moment?" She questioned darkly. 

"You destroyed my life too Duffy."

"Welcome to the list of things I've messed up in my life. You're probably fairly familiar with most of the other stuff already." She remarked bitterly. 

"Yeah, having been there for most of it."

"And yet you still agreed to marry me. More fool you!" She taunted him. 

"I married you Duffy because I love you. I always have." He sighed and swallowed another large mouthful of his whisky. 

"How sweet!" She remarked bitterly, knocking back another large mouthful of wine.

He sighed, pain evident in his voice as he whispered. "I still do."

Pain filled her voice also. "Sometimes love just isn't enough though is it?"

"Not if you don't love me, no." Charlie replied sadly. 

Horror filled Duffy's tone. "Where the hell did you get that idea from?" 

"You can't, not if you slept with Bill." He reasoned. 

"And we're back round to that again! How the hell do we have any chance of moving forward if you keep coming back to that?" She replied with frustration. 

"Wouldn't you feel the same if I were to cheat on you?" 

"You did!"

"Excuse me?" She'd lost him now. 

"You dropped me like a stone the minute Baz waltzed back into your life!" She explained. 

"Duffy you were married! We both knew it couldn't last."

"You didn't even come see me to tell me it was over. That hurt!"

"Knowing you would never leave Andrew hurt me too!"

"I had the boys to think about. You knew that right from the start." She reminded him gently. 

"Yeah, and I told you I could take care of you, all of you. But it wasn't enough was it?" His voice broke. "I wasn't enough for you!"

"The boys needed their father. Just like Louis needed you." Anger began to fill her voice again. "Actually, while we're talking about him, thanks for letting me find out from Megan that you'd gotten Baz pregnant. Made me look like a right idiot that did!"

"It just happened. It was a surprise to me too. She told me she was keeping it, but that it was her baby, not ours. Peter couldn't have children. So she'd had to end her marriage when he found out."

"I thought you'd have learnt your lesson with her the first time around."

"It was a drunken fling Duffy."

"That baby was just hers too wasn't it?" 

"Believe me that's exactly what I told her. I thought she was going to have an abortion. But, she told me it was her only chance to have children. I wanted to be a father to the baby. But she refused."

"I did wonder why things were suddenly different second time around. I still don't understand why she did what she did the first time though."

"Yeah, I still don't understand why she did either. She was too career driven at the time. A baby didn't fit into her plans. Neither did I. I don't think I ever did, even when we got married."

"Peter didn't exactly fit into my plans either. So I changed them."

"You're very different to Baz, Duffy."

She chuckled but there was no humour behind the sound. "I think there's a compliment in there somewhere."

"I told you, you're the love of my life Duffy. No one compares to you."

"And yet you weren't even prepared to hear me out. You just took the word of a stranger and kicked me to the curb!" Her voice was beginning to rise again. 

"I was upset and angry at you. What did you expect me to do? I couldn't bare to look at you. You broke my heart Duffy! I never expected you to hurt me, not like that!"

"And no-one hates me for that more than I hate myself. I never wanted to hurt you. That's why I didn't tell you, I was so ashamed and full of anger at my actions. I never wanted you to find out, least of all like that!"

"And yet I did find out. And here we are." He toasts his whisky glass in her direction and drains the contents. 

"I should have known better than try to hide it from you but I did it for the best of reasons, to protect you."

"Protect me? I still don't understand why you went to him in the first place? Am I not good enough for you? Do I not excite you enough?" The anger was clear in his voice. 

"It was never about that! I went to him as a friend because I was upset that we were fighting. I needed to talk to someone." She replied sadly. 

"You should have talked to me!"

"You sent me home from work! I wasn't even supposed to be there but you insisted." She accused. 

"And I regretted it as soon as I told you to leave."

"Then why didn't you follow me?"

"I know the only way you calm down is to walk away and be on your own. I gave you the space you needed." He explained. 

"I felt utterly alone!" She whispered, her voice breaking. 

"I didn't know that Duffy." He poured himself another glass of whisky. 

"You've barely noticed anytime I've needed you recently." She began to raise her glass towards her lips, before suddenly stopping halfway through the action. She swallowed forcefully and then blew a long breath out slowly. 

"Duffy? What's wrong?" Any anger he'd felt was immediately cast aside by concern. 

"Nothing, I'll be ok in a minute."

"You've gone white as a sheet. Are you going to be sick?"

"I'm fine!" She insisted as she lay her head back against the sofa cushions and closed her eyes.

"You don't look fine to me."

"Please continue with your stream of hatred towards me." She said waving her hand dismissively.

"Only if you stop lying to me first. What's going on?"

"I drank wine on an empty stomach, should have known better really."

"Do you want something to eat? Put a lining on your stomach?"

"Why are you suddenly being nice to me?"

"Despite everything Duffy, I do still care about you."

"You just don't want to have to clean the carpet." She shot back. 

"If you'd rather throw up into a bowl, be my guest." He sighed. 

"I still know where the bathroom is." Came her bitter reply.

"Go ahead then." He said, conceding defeat. 

"Fine, I will!" She got up from the sofa but only managed a couple of steps before the room began to spin. She clutched her head as her knees buckled underneath her. 

"Shit! Duffy!"

Charlie sprang from his chair and was just quick enough to catch Duffy before she hit the coffee table. The momentum carried him to the floor and, once there, he placed her in the recovery position and tried to rouse her. He sat back, trying not to panic, knocking her handbag over as he did. Turning, he started to pick up the items that had fallen out. A box of tablets immediately caught his eye. He picked them up but struggled to read the label without his glasses on. He pushed himself up from the sofa and grabbed his glasses from the mantle piece. He reread the label twice to make sure his eyes weren't playing tricks on him. 

"You've been taking antidepressants?!" He turned around at the sound of her letting out a groan from where she lay on the floor. He crouched back down by her side. 

"What? How?" She looked around, confused as to how she was suddenly lying on the floor. 

"You fainted Duffy."

"Oh."

"Here, let me help you up."

"Um, thanks." 

He walked with her back over to the sofa and helped her to sit back down. He then sat down next to her. 

"Do you feel sick? Dizzy? When did you last eat?"

"Um..."

"Has this happened before Duffy?"

She was immediately defensive. "No!" 

He sighed. "I know you remember? Don't lie to me Duffy."

"You don't know me, not really."

He frowned and sighed again. Reaching into his pocket he held out her meds towards her. "I think it's about time you told me everything, don't you?" 

"You're going through my belongings now? It was bad enough you went through my phone!"

"It fell out of your bag when you fainted Duffy." 

She looked at the floor and saw the contents of her bag, spilt out across it. 

"Will you just talk to me please?"

"What do you want me to say?"

He sighed. "Why didn't you tell me you were depressed?"

"You needed me to be strong."

"I needed you Duffy. Just you. If you were struggling you should have told me."

"I didn't want to let you down. Didn't want you realising that, once again, I needed picking back up off the floor."

"I would've picked you up, I always have Duffy. Why wouldn't I?"

"Not if you knew why."

"Have I made you feel like that?" The pain of that thought felt crushing to him.

"No, it wasn't you."

"Then what Duffy? Tell me. You've never kept anything from me before. No secrets remember. We promised we'd never have any secrets from each other."

"I don't want it to hurt you like it's hurt me."

"What's hurt you?"

She reached towards her wine glass. Charlie immediately went to stop her. "Duffy, you've just fainted that isn't going to help is it?"

"Sometimes it helps."

"Not mixed with your meds it doesn't."

"I didn't take them."

"Have you taken them with alcohol before?"

She didn't answer verbally but the way she began to fidgit with the hem of her top told him all he needed to know. "Duffy?" 

"You won't believe me anyway so what's the point?"

He sighed. "Try me."

"After you threw me out of work I went to the pub and had a glass of wine."

"You mean, the night you..."

"I knew you wouldn't believe me." She interrupted before he could finish speaking. 

He sighed. "How much did you drink?"

"One maybe two glasses. I don't really know. It's all hazy.

"You know these make the effects of alcohol ten times worse?"

"I just wanted to go to sleep, to not think about how I'd nearly killed that boy!"

He rubbed his forehead and sighed, dreading the next question but he had to know. He swallowed and asked. "What happened that night?" 

"Well it's obvious isn't it? There's only one possible explanation for why I woke up naked in a hotel room the next morning!"

Standing up, he shook his head. "Do you remember anything?" 

"No." She whispered. 

"What are you saying here?"

"I don't really know what happened or why I did it. I'm so sorry!" She broke down in tears as Charlie began to pace the floor. "I'm sorry! I never meant to hurt you! Please believe me!"

"But your phone Duffy. You looked up the hotel on your phone. I saw it."

"You checked my phone that day too?" Unlike before, the anger had now evaporated from her voice.

"Of course I did. You were worrying me. You looked like you were going to cry when you hugged me. I knew you were hiding something."

"I was so confused. I didn't know what to think, what to do."

"Did he hurt you?" Charlie clenched his fists, if that bastard had harmed her in any way..! 

"I don't know. It felt different. I'm not sure."

"I'll kill him!" He roared. 

"Charlie, calm down, please! I can't be sure what happened. I'm not sure he did anything wrong. It didn't feel like last time."

"Last time? What do you mean last time?"

Realising how close she'd come to revealing her secret, she began to panic. 

"You've slept with him before?"

"No! I mean, yes, but..."

Now it was his turn to interrupt her. "Which is it Duffy. You've either slept with him before or you haven't? Don't lie to me Duffy!"

She sighed. "I have but that was... He was... Well, you know..."

"I don't know, so just spit it out."

"My mum would have killed me if she'd found out! So we kept it a secret."

Now she'd really lost him again. "When?"

"I was too young. She would have gone mad!"

He was starting to lose his temper with her again. "When you were kids? Why couldn't you just say that for fuck's sake Duffy. I thought you'd slept with him recently."

"I thought you'd be angry too. That you'd think there was more to it between him and me."

"I am. I still am. So he was your first then? This all makes sense now." The realisation was dawning in his mind and it hurt. 

"What makes sense?"

"Why he means more to you than me."

"He doesn't! No-one means more to me than you!" 

"He was your first, and your first love. I can't obviously compete against that."

"He wasn't my first love. I maybe thought so at the time but that's because I didn't know what true love felt like then. I was only 15 years old."

"It just makes me understand why Duffy. Why you chose him and not me. And, to top it off, now you tell me that he took advantage of you too! I don't believe I'm hearing this."

"I didn't choose him. Don't you understand? I don't love him, never did. Back then I thought that was what love felt like, the silly stuff you see in movies. But that's not real love. It was another 10 years before the man who would teach me the true meaning of love crashed into my life."

"Oh yeah, can't forget Andrew can we? The love of your life." He rolled his eyes. 

"I do hope you're better at maths when you're measuring out medication." She smirked. 

"What's that supposed to mean?" He bristled. 

"What's 15 add 10 Charlie?" 

"You were 25, so?"

"I met Andrew when I was 29..."

"Oh, yes, Peter. I forgot."

"26." She pointed out. 

He began to search his memory. "25, 25, you were 25 when you joined the E.D."

"Yeh and who almost flattened me with the doors to resus on my very first day?" She tilted her head, a small smile gracing her lips as she regarded him.

"Um, hang on a minute I did that?"

"Yeh you did, knocked me sideways in more ways than one."

The thoughts started to whirl and jumble in his mind. She couldn't mean? Risking crushing disappointment, he spoke again. "But? Um. Me, you mean me?"

"You reached out your hand to help me up off the floor. The moment it touched mine it was like I'd been hit by lightening."

"I remember." He came and sat back down beside her. 

"You felt it too?" She asked, her eyes wide.

"How could I forget the first time I met you Duffy?"

"I was convinced you didn't have a clue who I was for the first three months."

"You remember when I brought you that cuppa tea, to make feel better?"

She smiled, the first genuine smile he'd seen from her all evening. "Of course I do. I dreamed about that for weeks afterwards." She blushed at what she'd just confessed. 

"I wanted to say sorry."

"I began to hope you were starting to see me as something other than a dumb little kid. But it wasn't to be..."

"What do you mean?"

"Well then Baz strode into the department - all expensive clothes, slim elegance and posh apartment. I couldn't possibly compete with that! I was just a chubby, dumb junior nurse who couldn't even keep the ceiling of her poxy flat in one piece nevermind afford such fancy clothes."

"I didn't think you'd look at me twice Duffy. I'm much older than you. You never seemed interested in me. But, I wanted to get to know you. I could always talk to you about anything. Why do you think I offered to help you learn how to drive?"

"And why do you think I tried so hard to lose weight? I wanted you to think I was pretty enough to catch your interest."

"Oh Duffy. If I only knew." He replied whistfully. Yet another missed opportunity!

"It was pretty obvious the kind of woman that appealed to you and I didn't fit that mould."

He sighed. "I was too old for you Duffy. You were just a kid. I didn't stand a chance with you. I wanted to. But, I was told under no circumstances to go any where near you."

"A kid? I was 25 years old! You make it sound like I was 17 or something! I bet I can guess who warned you off though."

"I was 34 Duffy, a lot older than you. You probably can."

"I've always liked older men." She laughed. 

"I wish I'd known Duffy." 

"You must have been pretty blind then, I was told off on more than one occasion for being too obvious."

"Let me guess. Megan?"

"Mm hmm. 'Stop moping around like a wet weekend Duffy!', 'Stop glaring Duffy!', 'Set your eyes on someone your own age Duffy!'. Urgh!" She rolled her eyes dramatically. 

Charlie laughed at her perfect mimicry of their old friend. "That sounds about right. Ha, the crafty old bugger! She used to scald me for favouring you over the other nurses. 'If you keep that up you'll get a name for yourself. Cradle-snatcher!'. 'She's just a kid Charlie. She doesn't need your roving eyes on her.' And, this was the hum dinger, 'You're only after one thing Charlie. She ain't it. Go and get your leg over with someone your own age.' So I gave up."

"I wouldn't have said no if you'd asked!" She laughed, raising an eyebrow at him. Her thoughts turning back to Megan, she sighed. "I swear in her mind I was permanently barely out my teens, even when I was well into my mid-30s and beyond!"

"Yeah, sounds like Megan. I wonder what she'd make of us now huh?"

"She'd want to smash our heads together most likely. I do really miss her though. Maybe if she was still around I wouldn't have made such a mess of things these last few months."

"Yeah, she would. I miss her too. And she would have been there for you Duffy."

"I really wanted to be there for her too, at the end but..." She swallowed back a sob. "I'm just glad you were there. Promise me it was peaceful for her."

Looking over at her he found himself getting lost in her eyes. They were glistening with unshed tears and pain. "It was peaceful Duffy, she felt no pain."

Duffy gave herself a little shake, inhaled deeply and attempted to continue. "She deserved better than that shitty disease."

"She did. She knew it would only get worse. She didn't want that. I wish you were with me then. It was hard Duffy. To see her like that." He was unable to stop the tear that escaped his eye and rolled down his cheek. 

"I remember being so scared the first time she got sick but she battled on. Cared more about other people's pain than her own, even at her worst."

"Yeah, yeah she did."

"She was always willing to listen to me and help me out. It meant a lot especially as I wasn't really getting on with my own mum at the time."

"Yeah, she always thought of you like a daughter Duffy."

"She probably would have preferred a daughter who was a little less damaged." She replied darkly. 

"What do you mean?"

Once again, Duffy's silence spoke volumes. She began fiddling with her fingers as they rested in her lap. 

"Duffy?" He prompted. 

"It's nothing, ignore me."

"No, what is it?"

"I said it's nothing!" She repeated, more forcefully.

"Duffy, no secrets remember? You said."

"I spoke to her about that guy who jumped me in the alleyway."

"When you were attacked?"

"Yeh when I was attacked."

There was something odd in the way she'd said that word but he couldn't place what it was. "At least you spoke to her about it. I was worried you weren't going to speak to anyone about it. We all were."

"I noticed. Every one of you wouldn't leave me alone about it for weeks after it happened. Wouldn't let me just forget about it."

"We were all worried about you Duffy."

"I wanted to deal with things my way. Go on like it hadn't ever happened. I didn't want it ruining my life."

"Ruining your life? I don't understand?"

Duffy lowered her head and simply stared at the toes of her boots. 

"Duffy? Why would it ruin your life?"

The rising panic inside her made her palms feel sweaty so she rubbed them against her trousers. "Can I have a glass of water?"

Charlie looked over at her. He was loath to leave her as he could tell something was very wrong, he just didn't know what it was. It was obvious that she wasn't keen to speak so he quickly got up and fetched her a glass of water from the kitchen. As he passed the glass to her he noticed that her hands were shaking. She'd also gone very pale again. "Do you feel faint again Duffy?" He asked her quietly. He moved slightly closer to her, he wasn't sure whether to touch her arm or not. As he moved closer she moved herself further away along the sofa, seeming to almost shrink into herself. "Duffy? What is it? Do you feel sick?" His mind was whirling, trying to figure out what was wrong. He reached out his hand to touch hers but as his fingers brushed her wrist she let out a scream. He jumped back. "Shit, Duffy? What is it, what's wrong?" 

She didn't hear him, her eyes screwed shut. She began to wimper. "No! No! No!" Charlie was shocked, he didn't know what to do to help. "Duffy? Duffy? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. Duffy?" 

"Don't hurt me, please don't hurt me." 

"Duffy, I'd never hurt you. Never." He was genuinely terrified now, what was going on? Her arms thrashed as though she was fighting against something only she could see. She let out one final scream and then fell silent again. 

"Duffy? What is it, what's wrong?"

"Charlie?"

"Yeah, it's just me Duffy. I won't hurt you, you know I could never hurt you." 

She looked over at him utterly confused. Why did he look so terrified and upset? "What just happened?"

"You spaced out a little, I'm not sure. Can't you remember?"

A thought occured to her and she hoped she was wrong. "Was I screaming?"

"Yeah, yeah you were." He slowed moved back closer to her on the sofa. 

She briefly closed her eyes, a pained expression on her face. "I swore to myself I'd never let you ever see me like that."

He was unsure whether he should touch her so he held back, fearful of causing her to start screaming again. "Has this happened before? Were you, were you back there again Duffy? When he attacked you?"

"I..." She nodded. 

All of a sudden a horrible realisation hit him. "Oh God Duffy. He, he raped you didn't he?"

She didn't say anything for about a minute. When she finally spoke, her voice was barely above a whisper. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry? What have you got to be sorry for? He, he, oh God Duffy."

"It was my fault."

"How can it be your fault?" He asked her gently.

"I must have done something to deserve it."

"How can you? You were just walking to work. That can't be your fault. Is, is that why you, why you've been taking antidepressants? Has, oh, God, has Alicia's rape brought this all back for you?"

"Seeing her there, I saw how I must have looked to all of you. So terrified."

"Oh Duffy. Why didn't you tell me?" He reached out towards her but then stopped himself. He knew she had to be the one to make the first move. 

"Then you'd know the truth and be as disgusted by me as I am."

"I'd never think that of you."

"I couldn't risk it."

"Why didn't you tell me? Oh God Duffy. I'd have been there for you."

"You were there for me. Exactly how I needed you to be."

"And now, what makes it different now? Why didn't you tell me? I could have helped you."

"I didn't want that. I feared you'd start treating me different. I couldn't bare the thought of that. I just wanted you to be exactly what you'd always been - my ever dependable, wonderful Charlie. My one true love." She replied, her voice tinged with sadness and regret. 

"I still can be Duffy."

She tried to quell the feeling of hope that rose within her. "Really? Please don't say that unless you mean it Charlie."

"Duffy, you'll always have my heart. It's whether you want me that matters most."

"I've always wanted you." 

"Do you still want me now?"

"Yes, if you'll still have me?"

"I needed to know you love me Duffy, like I love you."

She slowly, tentatively raised her hand and let it rest against his cheek. She looked deep into his eyes. "Always and forever, Charlie. Please don't ever doubt that again." They both found themselves being drawn towards the other, their lips almost touching when, all of a sudden, the clock on the wall began to chime, startling them both. Duffy sat back and looked over at the clock. It was midnight. "Is that really the time?"

"Um, yeah, Happy New Year Duffy."

"Happy New Year Charlie. How about we leave everything we've said tonight in the past and try to move forward?"

"Everything we've said?" He queried, a small smile on his lips. 

"Well maybe not everything." She smiled. 

Charlie looked longingly at her, he couldn't stop himself from brushing her hair from her face, and putting it behind her ear. As he did he noticed a hint of the old cheeky sparkle had returned to Duffy's eyes. He'd missed that sparkle, it had been gone for too long. Leaning forward, he kissed her lightly on the lips. He pulled back slightly to gauge her reaction. She smiled and, closing the gap between them, returned his kiss. 

All too soon the kiss ended and a sad look cast a shadow across Duffy's face. She stood up from the sofa. "I need to get back to the hotel, it's getting late." 

Charlie reached out and grasped her hand in his. "No, don't go."

"I have to. I don't live here anymore, remember?" 

"You don't have to leave Duffy. Please don't go."

She sighed. "I don't want to go."

"Then stay with me." 

"Ok, I'll stay but I'll need to leave early in the morning to get changed before going to Peter's."

"Ok."

"You could come with me..?" She suggested. 

"To the hotel? Or to Peter's?"

"Peter's."

"I will then. If you want me to."

"I want you to. I couldn't bare another day like Christmas, having to paint on a fake smile when all I wanted to do was cry." 

He tugged gently on her hand. She sat back down beside him. Letting go of her hand he opened his arms to her. Without any hesitation she snuggled into his embrace. She began to cry quietly. Tears of relief at being back in the arms of the man she loved, the man she'd always loved. Her Charlie.

"Don't ever let go again, Charlie, promise me that." She mumbled against his chest. 

"I promise." He whispered, placing a gentle kiss onto her hair. The ache that had filled his heart ever since that fateful day just melted away. Whatever the future held, they'd face it together, and as such, everything would be ok.


End file.
